Wednesday 3 October 2012

The one that got away...


Break-ups are annoying. Apart from the usual drama, heartache, stress, loneliness, they are seriously just annoying.

I say this because a break-up, no matter how long you've been with the person—three weeks, three months or three years—pervades every aspect of your life. You don’t agree? I’ll tell you how.

Firstly, there’s the obvious anger, hurt, resentment and awkwardness with the person you've just broken up with. From speaking to and seeing each other every day, you now have to go days or weeks or more, not speaking to each other. You suddenly find yourself free on holidays and weekends, and have to make plans so that you don’t drown in your abysmal hole of depression.

Then there are all these common friends you both must have had. These common friends now have to pick sides. They either have to stay friends with you or your ex. Rarely are they able to maintain normal friendships with both parties, especially if the break-up is bitter. And let’s face it, rarely is a break-up not bitter. One side is always more hurt and pissed than the other. And in case your families were involved, then be prepared to discover all new levels of awkward much.
There’s also the whole ‘putting up a facade’ thing. No one likes pity. There are very few people who you can cry to and be honest about how hurt you are. And fewer still for guys. It’s not macho to cry about a girl, so guys will put on their brave face and drink their livers out. The rest of us, have to go about our lives, go out, meet people, party, etc. a) to show the world that you’re ok, and b) to prove to your ex that you’re doing just fine without him or her. Which even he or she knows isn’t true, but we’re cool like that.
You also don’t want to become annoying to your friends by whining about your broken heart all the time, so you eventually quit doing that and deal with shit yourself. The least fun thing that is.

Then there’s music. And oh man, how annoying is this. Most of us, connoisseurs or not, are addicted to all sorts of music. After a break-up, listen to any song, and you will think of your ex—guaranteed. Even if you had never heard the song while being with your ex, you will suddenly put new meanings to every syllable in the song and think of the good times you’ve shared, or better still, what an asshole/bitch the ex has been. Sad songs made you sadder; happy songs make you miss him/her so make you sad, party songs make you want to party with him/her again so make you sad again. See! Annoying! Can’t even listen to music in peace.

Then of course, there are all the places you two have been together. Going there now is beyond annoying. The longer the relationship, the more places you have to strike off your list. And if you’ve shared an apartment together or spent a considerable amount of time together, say in the same office, then you’ve had it. Bloody memories are a darned thing. And don’t even get me started on dates. The date you first met, started dating, kissed, etc. etc. now all etched in your mind forever. Urgh.

And of course, with the overflow of social media in today’s world, it’s not even that you can put the person behind you and move on. You’ll see updates, pictures, comments, etc., everywhere you go. And deleting the ex or yourself from the social networking site just seems a tad dramatic, even by your standards.

One of the few good things that does come out of break-ups is creativity. Sorrow makes for great inspiration. Musicians make their best songs after a break-up (greater still since so many people will relate to it), writers produce some heartrending poetry and prose after a heartbreak, and artists can create magic on a canvas.

The thing about a break-up is that your friends can help you get through it, your family can be supportive, but only you and the person with whom you have broken up or who has broken up with you, truly knows what you (both of you) are going through. Cos the truth is, that despite being surrounded by friends et al, it was just you and him/her in the relationship, so only the two of you know what you’ve lost.

It’s easy being angry and resentful after a break-up. It’s natural to blame the other person. You’re bound to go through phases—shock, denial, anger, sorrow and acceptance. But it’s important to remember never to be cruel or treat the person you once dearly cared about, loved even, badly. Because honestly, that just makes you a jerk; and always remember, karma is just waiting to come bite you in the ass.

Clearly, heartbreak is normal as it is widespread. With the number of break-ups happening lately, this is evident. So don’t try too hard to be strong or don’t try to move on too quick. One-night stands and rebounds do NOT work, trust me. Take your time, especially if the relationship meant something to you—if you had, at some point, believed that this person was the one, your soulmate, etc. etc. Sometimes it’s ok to mourn the loss of that special someone, of ‘the one that got away’.

And remember, whatever doesn’t kill you, will make you stronger. Once you get over all the above annoying points, you’ll be good as new, and ready again to take on the world, fall in love again and get your heart broken all over again. Till then, find a break-up song and listen to it on repeat. Once you tire of the song, you’ll know you’re on the way to closure. 

12 comments:

  1. awww boi...You are fabulous! I am sure all you fans will be happy that you are single now!

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    1. Aww *blush* Thank you love. And I intend to stay so for a while now! How and where are you?!

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  2. Hi Baishali,

    All you have written are true. It's harder when the one that got away has returned after messing-up her life just when you started to make plans with someone else. It stirs the situation again, at one time you are so decided to move on the next you want her back again. The funny part is that, when the situation turns upside down, the gagged becomes the bully and the bully becomes meek.

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    1. Hey! I'm glad you relate to it. You know, as lame as it may sound, just listen to your heart. The heart rarely lies to you. At the end of the day, we just want to be happy, and that's what your aim should be--with girl 1 or 2. Just make sure you don't hurt either, no matter how hurt you've been. Karma and all that. It helps believing in a force greater than ourselves and knowing that we're not alone. Good luck, my friend :)

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  3. Sometimes it also pays to use your brain and make your heart silent for a while in order to see other angles of the relationship. Sometimes when your heart is tired, you should listen to your mind and let all logic reasoning take over. :-)

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    1. Sigh, if only the heart ever listened to the mind... if only the two could ever come to a consensus ;)

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  4. I wish I knew how to do this without hurting people.

    I've been thinking about relationships a lot, up here. You've described exactly how I'm feeling, and have been feeling for a while now. And yes, ditto on the drinking and putting on a brave manly front.

    But the one-night stands can be fun. You just have to know they're not a solution...it still hurts, and it still takes time to recover with a few new scars, but the one-night stands are fun for a night. And sometimes, that's the only fun there is, unless you're hitchhiking on lorries to get to Leh. I think I'm happy enough with that, for now...can't see my heart or my head wanting more than that, given my abysmal track record. And I'm at the point where I don't mistake a fling for something more, even if I'm hurting.

    Note: there's very little oxygen up here. I take no responsibility for any unmanly weaknesses revealed above. I'm cold as hell and my website's not uploading. Love and hugs.

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    1. Firstly, I want my hookah, since there was a new post for you. I write about what we *all* feel but are too scared or proud to admit.

      You managed to read my blog in Leh. That's cool. Spread the word there too. ;)

      Lots of love.

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  5. Hi Baishali,

    Can I copy your article and post it in my blog? I really love it and as much as I want to write something like this I can't because you already wrote everything. :-)

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    1. Absolutely! Go right ahead--please do post the link so there's more traffic directed to my blog :)

      Just out of curiousity, how did you chance upon my blog?

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    2. I was just looking for some nice quotes when I found your blog. Like what you have written, I am in the phase of resentment and songs and quotes are my tools to inflict and send my message to the person who caused me unbearable pain :-). The one who can't be named reads my blog secretly :-)but she doesn't know that I know about it.

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    3. That's pretty cool. Do send me the link to your blog as well.

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