The one that got away...

Break-ups are annoying. Apart from the usual drama, heartache, stress, loneliness, they are seriously just annoying.

I say this because a break-up, no matter how long you've been with the person—three weeks, three months or three years—pervades every aspect of your life. You don’t agree? I’ll tell you how.

Firstly, there’s the obvious anger, hurt, resentment and awkwardness with the person you've just broken up with. From speaking to and seeing each other every day, you now have to go days or weeks or more, not speaking to each other. You suddenly find yourself free on holidays and weekends, and have to make plans so that you don’t drown in your abysmal hole of depression.

Then there are all these common friends you both must have had. These common friends now have to pick sides. They either have to stay friends with you or your ex. Rarely are they able to maintain normal friendships with both parties, especially if the break-up is bitter. And let’s face it, rarely is a break-up not bitter. One side is always more hurt and pissed than the other. And in case your families were involved, then be prepared to discover all new levels of awkward much.

There’s also the whole ‘putting up a facade’ thing. No one likes pity. There are very few people who you can cry to and be honest about how hurt you are. And fewer still for guys. It’s not macho to cry about a girl, so guys will put on their brave face and drink their livers out. The rest of us, have to go about our lives, go out, meet people, party, etc. a) to show the world that you’re ok, and b) to prove to your ex that you’re doing just fine without him or her. Which even he or she knows isn’t true, but we’re cool like that.

You also don’t want to become annoying to your friends by whining about your broken heart all the time, so you eventually quit doing that and deal with shit yourself. The least fun thing that is.

Then there’s music. And oh man, how annoying is this. Most of us, connoisseurs or not, are addicted to all sorts of music. After a break-up, listen to any song, and you will think of your ex—guaranteed. Even if you had never heard the song while being with your ex, you will suddenly put new meanings to every syllable in the song and think of the good times you’ve shared, or better still, what an asshole/bitch the ex has been. Sad songs made you sadder; happy songs make you miss him/her so make you sad, party songs make you want to party with him/her again so make you sad again. See! Annoying! Can’t even listen to music in peace.

Then of course, there are all the places you two have been together. Going there now is beyond annoying. The longer the relationship, the more places you have to strike off your list. And if you’ve shared an apartment together or spent a considerable amount of time together, say in the same office, then you’ve had it. Bloody memories are a darned thing. And don’t even get me started on dates. The date you first met, started dating, kissed, etc. etc. now all etched in your mind forever. Urgh.

And of course, with the overflow of social media in today’s world, it’s not even that you can put the person behind you and move on. You’ll see updates, pictures, comments, etc., everywhere you go. And deleting the ex or yourself from the social networking site just seems a tad dramatic, even by your standards.

One of the few good things that does come out of break-ups is creativity. Sorrow makes for great inspiration. Musicians make their best songs after a break-up (greater still since so many people will relate to it), writers produce some heartrending poetry and prose after a heartbreak, and artists can create magic on a canvas.

The thing about a break-up is that your friends can help you get through it, your family can be supportive, but only you and the person with whom you have broken up or who has broken up with you, truly knows what you (both of you) are going through. Cos the truth is, that despite being surrounded by friends et al, it was just you and him/her in the relationship, so only the two of you know what you’ve lost.

It’s easy being angry and resentful after a break-up. It’s natural to blame the other person. You’re bound to go through phases—shock, denial, anger, sorrow and acceptance. But it’s important to remember never to be cruel or treat the person you once dearly cared about, loved even, badly. Because honestly, that just makes you a jerk; and always remember, karma is just waiting to come bite you in the ass.

Clearly, heartbreak is normal as it is widespread. With the number of break-ups happening lately, this is evident. So don’t try too hard to be strong or don’t try to move on too quick. One-night stands and rebounds do NOT work, trust me. Take your time, especially if the relationship meant something to you—if you had, at some point, believed that this person was the one, your soulmate, etc. etc. Sometimes it’s ok to mourn the loss of that special someone, of ‘the one that got away’.

And remember, whatever doesn’t kill you, will make you stronger. Once you get over all the above annoying points, you’ll be good as new, and ready again to take on the world, fall in love again and get your heart broken all over again. Till then, find a break-up song and listen to it on repeat. Once you tire of the song, you’ll know you’re on the way to closure.