I’m not a God-fearing person; I’m a God-loving one. I was initiated into God, pujas and all things that are holy even before I gained consciousness. My family is super religious, and though the extent of their religiousness may not have rubbed off on me, I still am fairly. I go to the mandir when I can, I visit the church when possible and I bow my head in reverence while passing a mosque, synagogue, etc. I follow a vegetarian diet every Saturday, but that’s more for my folks than myself—I really don’t believe that my eating non-veg can piss God off or that it would prove my lack of devotion to or love for him. But I love my mom, so I do it. My friends have repeatedly asked me to change the day, since Saturday is the most exciting one of the week, but I’d rather not. I do not perform pujas or other holy rituals on a daily basis, but I love any kind of religious festival—it makes me genuinely happy when the streets are lit up and there is an idol on every street corner.
I love God—He’s my friend. I’m sorry if I offend some people by calling God ‘He’, but it’s not a sexist thing—I’ve just been conditioned with it and so am used to it. Thankfully, we Hindus have plenty of She Gods as well. :D
Anyhoo. I love God; I talk to God; I chat with Him; I smile at Him; I get angry with Him and stop talking to Him for days on end—stop praying at night. I also know when God is mad at me or is laughing at me, or listening to me, or even just smiling back at me. Call me crazy, but I do. But yes, God makes me feel at peace. There’s a particular mandir I go to, not as regularly as I’d like, but definitely when I’m feeling agitated or anxious. I sit there for a while, and I can almost feel the calmness spreading over my being.
Incidentally, an ex had taken me to that mandir for the first time, despite the fact that my mother had discovered it much before that on one of her trips here. When the said ex and I broke up, I asked God why He held his hand and brought him to me, if He was going to take him away anyway. Sitting in the mandir one day, it came to me, the answer. God did not bring the said ex to me; said ex brought me here, home, fulfilled his part in my life and moved on. We broke up over three years ago and I still go to the mandir regularly. And I’ve never bumped into said ex. Divine intervention, for sure.
I also believe in fate, destiny and ‘buri nazar’ (jinxing). Never proclaim to anyone, perhaps not even to God (though He knows, damn it) when you’re happy. God will smirk, and then make something happen that will take that happiness off so that your feet remain planted firmly on the ground. And that’s exactly what happened to me a few days ago. I was feeling good—about myself and my life—and then something happened to put my insides into turmoil again. Unbelievable. Khud ki nazar lag gayi!
Anyway, there isn’t much of a point to this post. It’s just that, despite what happened recently, I’ve been feeling a lot of love coming for God. So wanted to share it. I ask God to protect and be with my family and friends, along with me—I think it works; I feel safer myself and calmer about others. Say a little prayer about that special someone—He’ll promise to look out for him/her. Love God, I promise He’ll love you back.