Feeling the feeling

It’s just one of those feelings. I don’t know what the feeling is, but it ain’t great. The last few weeks have been hectic, with almost equal parts of the good and the bad; possibly more of the good than the bad, and yet I feel lost in transition.

Firstly let me tell you all about the beautiful wedding I went for back home. Out of my close school gang, the first one went down—pretty big deal. I was given almost a year’s notice so I had to go and hold him steady in case he freaked out. Luckily nothing of the sort happened and in fact, he is deliriously happy and in love. Yes, this is still possible. It was your quintessential arranged-cum-love marriage—a rare phenomenon in the generation before us that is making a quick and solid comeback in ours. It was almost like these two were made for each—they even look perfect together. And of course, the wedding gave me an excuse to go home, laze around, have my mommy feed me, wear saris and jewellery, and just kick back and relax. All purposes served!

Staying true to my new year promise (no, not resolution, just a promise to myself) I made amends in a few relationships, which mean the world to me, and let go (not without trying) of a few others—no hard feelings. I still perhaps have some way to go, but hey, it’s a good start, right? Sometimes you have to realise that as you grow up, you blossom into a person of your own, as do others around you. That just means you have to try harder to maintain certain relationships. I don’t mean that that effort is straining; I just mean that you need to understand one another better so that your different personalities don’t clash or push you apart—cos no matter some, some ties really are for life.

I was back from home in a week, thrown headfirst into a deluge of work and dilemmas about my ‘home’ situation in this city. Sigh. It just never ends, does it? But respite soon came in the form of a beautiful music and wine fest at the Sula Vineyards, Nashik. I went with some people whose company I love (including some whom I love) and under the open skies and with the notes of the music, I soon forgot my real-life problems and let the wine do its work. 

The highlight of Sulafest 2013 was definitely Swarathma’s performance. So much energy and interaction on stage—electric! Though their music is undoubtedly similar to lead singer Vasudev Dixit’s brother’s band, Raghu Dixit’s, the Radhu Dixit Project, there was something about Swarathma’s delivery and stage presence that was unparalled! Besides, the backing vocalist and lead guitarist is a Bong. ;)

And now I’m back, again, feeling the feeling, that I can’t explain; feeling like no one loves me; like I have too many battles to fight, too many obstacles to overcome. Sigh. Can anyone please find me a rock I can hide under and never come out of? I can make it my home, you know? Okthanksbye.